Nothing is more important

Recently I've been struggling a lot with figuring out what is most important in my life and what I should focus on.

My last blog post talked about how finding true life balance isn't about doing an equal amount of everything, but it's about living in harmony with God, yourself and others. It would be nice if after writing something like that down, it instantly became a reality in my life. The thing is I'm still working out how to find that harmony. I guess it's something that will be a life-long journey.

Last weekend, I watched the General Conference of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. It's a semi-annual gathering of all of the members of the church across the world. We get to hear messages from our prophet, apostles and other church leaders. If you want to learn more about that, click here.

Each time conference comes around, I try to pray to the Lord to give me answers to questions and struggles I have. This time I prayed to know what He wanted me to focus on in my life. What His will was for me to become a better person and to be more able to serve Him.

The answer to my prayer came from Elder Richard G. Scott's talk, "Make the Exercise of Faith Your First Priority." He said that our first priorities should be prayer, scripture study, family home evening and temple attendance.

Elder Richard G. Scott 
"Make the Exercise of Faith Your First Priority"

He said it so emphatically and sincerely, that I knew it was something he had lived in his own life. I felt confirmation from God that these were the things I needed to focus on in my life to help me achieve my divine potential.

I wanted to share a few quotes from his talk about each priority that really stuck out to me:

"Our Father in Heaven has given us tools to help us come unto Christ and exercise faith in His Atonement. When these tools become fundamental habits, they provide the easiest way to find peace in the challenges of mortality." (What a promise!)

1. Prayer

"Choose to converse with your Father in Heaven often. Make time every day to share your thoughts and feelings with Him. Tell Him everything that concerns you. He is interested in the most important as well as the most mundane facets of your life. Share with Him your full range of feelings and experiences."

(It hasn't always been easy for me to talk to God about the hard things in my life, but I'm trying to get better at talking with Him like I would a good friend. After all, He is the best friend I could have.)

2. Scripture Study

"Don’t yield to Satan’s lie that you don’t have time to study the scriptures. Choose to take time to study them. Feasting on the word of God each day is more important than sleep, school, work, television shows, video games, or social media. You may need to reorganize your priorities to provide time for the study of the word of God. If so, do it!"

(This point really struck a chord with me. Sometimes I do give into the Satan's lie that I don't have time to study God's word. But, it helps bring me closer to God which helps me through the rest of my day, so really I don't have time to not read.)

3. Weekly Family Home Evening

"The structure of your evening is not as important as the time invested. The gospel should be taught both formally and informally. Make it a meaningful experience for each member of the family. Family home evening is a precious time to bear testimony in a safe environment; to learn teaching, planning, and organizational skills; to strengthen family bonds; to develop family traditions; to talk to each other; and more important, to have a marvelous time together!"

(Family home evening is something we've struggled with. Since our son is so young, I've felt like we really can't teach him anything. I love what Elder Scott said that the structure is not as important as the time invested.)

4. Temple Attendance

"We all know there is no more peaceful place on this earth than in the temples of God. If you don’t have a temple recommend, qualify to get one. When you have a recommend, use it often. Schedule a regular time to be in the temple. Don’t let anyone or anything prevent you from being there."

(I love that he counseled us to pick a time and then not to let anything keep us from going to the temple. I've been wanting to go more, but it's been hard to find a regular time. I talked with my husband and we were able to find a day that we'll trade off each week, so we can take turns going.)

I've already seen blessings in my life from just one week of making these things my first priority. I feel closer to the Savior Jesus Christ and more in tune with what Heavenly Father wants me to do. I have felt the "peace in the challenges of mortality," and I know it is because I'm trying to live closer to the Lord.

I challenge each of you to make these things a priority. And, if you are not a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, but you want to find a way to find more peace and direction in your life, start by praying to God and then I invite you to search out the Church's missionaries in your area or go to mormon.org to learn more.

Seeking true life balance

My husband recently started practicing the martial art Aikido. It is a unique martial art in that the purpose is not to hurt your opponent but to harmonize with the energy and movement of your opponent, and then redirect that energy to protect yourself.

This Saturday my husband invited me to join in his Aikido class. It was difficult for me to get the movement down and focus on reflecting and redirecting energy instead of attacking as I'd learned in prior karate training. It all seemed counterintuitive, but with some practice, it became easier.

During a demonstration, the sensei shared something that caught my attention. He was explaining the importance of having balance so you can properly redirect your partner's energy. He said, "Balance is key. It doesn't matter how strong you are, if you're off balance, if you don't have a good position, you are going to fall."

My husband drew this for his art class last semester, and I think
it captures the meaning of true balance.

The sensei's comment caused me to think about how the balance lessons of Aikido could apply to the rest of life.

I've often felt that for my life to be balanced, I had to spend the same amount of effort and time on everything I did (working two jobs, cooking, cleaning, being a mom, taking time for myself, eating, exercising, going on dates, socializing, serving in church, reading scriptures, etc).

For me balance=total equality.

Here's the problem with that thinking. If I have to spend an equal amount of time and effort on everything, then I run out of those resources quite quickly.

For example, I've committed to work at least 10 hours a week at one of my jobs (roughly 2 hours a day). If I use the total equality mentality and do everything on my above list for 2 hours a day, that adds up to 22 hours! That leaves only 2 hours for me to sleep, and we all know that won't work.

The total equality mentality also leaves no room for flexibility. If I've already played with my son for 2 hours in the morning, and he wants to go to the park in the afternoon, well, too bad, so sad. Or if I have an unexpected work call or a friend wants to come over, it will throw my time balance out of whack.

With the total equality mentality, no matter how strong I am, I will eventually "fall over" because total equality is not really what balance is.

So what is balance?

After thinking more about the sensei's comment, I realized balance is more synonymous with harmony. Balance is not about having capability or strength to do everything you want to do or everything on your to do list.

Balance is more about keeping the different areas of your life in harmony. Connecting with some things and redirecting others to focus on what is most important.

It also helps to look at balance from a holistic perspective. I may not be able to do the laundry, finish a work project, spend time with a friend, and have personal time in the same day, but I could do all those things in a week or even a month as I connect and redirect the energy of the things I'd like to do.

If you think about a chord in a song as a one day in your life, focusing on getting harmony in one day is a good thing but only part of the picture. Our internal, personal harmony with God, ourselves, and others is the beautiful symphony that gives meaning to the daily chords. It is the foundation that gives us the firm position to direct the energy and movement of our lives.

So whether you want to think of balance as a strong position in Aikido or a holistic symphony, remember that it is not about doing everything all at once. It is about focusing on the foundational harmony of being at peace with God, yourself, and others.

"For it is not requisite that a man should run faster than he has strength" (Mosiah 4:27).

"Remember, remember that it is upon the rock of our Redeemer, who is Christ, the Son of God, that ye must build your foundation; that when the devil shall send forth his mighty winds, yea, his shafts in the whirlwind, yea, when all his hail and his mighty storm shall beat upon you, it shall have no power over you to drag you down to the gulf of misery and endless wo, because of the rock upon which ye are built, which is a sure foundation, a foundationwhereon if men build they cannot fall." (Helaman 5:12)

A simple, one-word question

This post is about a simple one-word question that has the potential to change your life. It's already changed mine. That question is, "When?"

How many of you have ever said to yourself or someone else something like, "We should go camping sometime. Let's get together with so and so someday. Want to go to Hawaii sometime? I'd love to learn to paint someday."

If you are anything like my husband and I, we have a lot of dreams and goals and things we want to do. Until recently we found ourselves expressing a lot of wishes, but not actually doing anything.

Then we discovered the power of asking the question, "When?" We had gone on a hike and ran into a friend. We talked about getting together sometime and then he said, "When?" We replied, "Maybe sometime next week?" He then said, "Well, I was thinking about tomorrow." We were slightly surprised because that is not usually how a conversation like this goes. We thought through our schedule and the next day worked, so we went and enjoyed a wonderful hike. 

That experience got us thinking about the importance of choosing a specific time to do something. It seems that our culture seems to follow the mindset that our schedules control us and that we can't choose between the activities we want to do. We decided we wanted to take more charge of choosing our schedule, and it's been great!

Our conversations changed from, "We should go camping sometime." "Yeah, that would be fun," to "We should go camping sometime," "Okay, when?" "How about next weekend?"

By asking the question, "when?" we gave ourselves the opportunity to choose a time to actually plan and do what we wanted. It's liberating to choose how we spend our time and to do things together we've been wanting to do for a while.

We went camping. My husband is starting martial arts. I'm actually writing this post. :)

An important part of this one-word question is also how you answer it. You can't answer it with "later", "sometime tomorrow" or "in a little bit." Unless you decide on a concrete time, you'll likely get distracted with other little things, and it won't happen. Instead, you could answer, "this afternoon", "after I get home from work", "when my son takes his nap", or "next weekend."

The power of the question "When?" doesn't apply only to large goals or trips. It also works for day to day tasks.

As a mom working from home, I find myself getting overwhelmed with trying to find balance and plan my day. I've found it's almost impossible to schedule my day hour by hour the way I used to in college because with a family my schedule is unpredictable. I'm not the only one involved in my day anymore. So instead of planning out what I'm going to do at exactly what time, I keep track of things I'd like to do and then ask myself when I'm going to do them as they come up.

For example, I remembered I've been wanting to write a blog post for a few weeks. I asked myself, "Well, when am I going to do it? How about now?" And voila, here I am. :)

This may seem like a simple thing, but I believe there is a lot of power in deciding when we are going to do things instead of just leaving it up to fate. We can't control everything, but we do have choices. Don't forget that. I've already noticed a difference in the amount of things I get done during the day. I waste less time on social media, and I'm not as frustrated at the end of the day because I actually did a few things.

Now, I still don't get everything done, and there are still trips and activities we haven't planned. We're still practicing, but it's making a difference. So next time you think of something fun you'd like to do or a friend you'd like to call, ask yourself "When?" and then do it.

Remember there are seven days in a week and "someday" isn't one of them. Get out there. Follow a dream. Go to Europe. Take dance lessons.

Don't let your somedays turn into nevers because you didn't think to ask a simple, one-word question.